if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
