I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
