yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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