Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
