Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I believe in your delicious
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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