When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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