It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize