38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Panties = found
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
