god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize