Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
