Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
