So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
