did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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