i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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