So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
