Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
