Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
