I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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