I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I didn't notice because vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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