Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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