Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
