my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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