I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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