I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is Oprah even human
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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