never play flip cup with pint glasses
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
