i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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