Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
