Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
