Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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