So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
