My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
