we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
