He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
