Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
