Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Drunk is not a location!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
