so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
