okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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