covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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