i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
