you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
