I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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