some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
