Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
