Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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