So drunk its hurt
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
