rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the raccoons are back...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize