I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
