It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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