you guys were way drunker than both of me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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