I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
