this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this hospital has no fireball
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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