I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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