better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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