Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
