Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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