Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
