you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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