I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
