Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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