I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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