i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
