I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
are you so shy because you have an std?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
