It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize