they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
