I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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