I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
