I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize