the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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