Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
