I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He passed out mid-signature
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
