I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
